Serious Dieting Tips, Humorous Explanations

A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it.

Huh? (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my column on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .)

While there is more to healthy dieting th

A few months ago, I set out to lose 22.6 pounds, then to put back on at least half of it.

Huh? Anybody who's ever found herself stuck on a yo-yo diet is probably thinking that I am either crazy or planning way too hard for the inevitable yo-yo heartaches. However, my plan is more sneaky than that.

First, I want to lose this rubber tire I've been haulage living my waist. Have you ever gotten stuck inside a rubber tire? It's not a pretty site.

Then, I want to put back some of that weight in the form of muscle. It's my grand master plan to substitute my shape from looking like a silly pear to looking like an upside down silly pear.

Will it work?

I think I have the "silly" part figured out. And so far, I have lost14.6 pounds, but I think I really lost a few more, since I have been getting up ahead of schedule on addition those muscle pounds.

I would love to tell you what my weight is now, but that's very private information. Why should it be so private? I am not 100% certain, but I reckon it is so that people can easily move betwixt and between globe and the Moon without in being detected by hidden scales. (Why people keep their age private is the subject of my cairn on aging gracefully at http://www.thehappyguy.com/aging-gracefully.html .)

While there is more to healthy dieting than a few tips, these ten dieting tips should help you laugh away a few pounds (What a great way to lose!). Hint: the tips are serious; the explanations are not.

Tip #1: Never eat up to bed. This is just talked-about sense. It is so much more fun to eat IN bed.

Tip #2: Bake, don't fry. This is also unimaginative sense. ardent allows you to retain more friendships. When you bake in the sun, you get a nice tan and go for a dip in the pool to cool off with your friends. But when you fry, you get a sunburn and don't dare go in the shower for a week...which scares your friends away.

Tip #3: Drink plenty of water up to meals. This will help you eat less during the meal. thereafter all, few people can over-eat consistently while rushing off to the bathroom.

Tip #4: Don't taste-test while you cook. Many cooks taste their dishes several times while cooking to make sure the flavor is just right. Over a lifetime, the typical cook who takes such measures will put on 13.4 pounds. Worse still, tasting your cooking in shoot up deprives you of entertaining facial scrunches when your family tastes your untested recipes. (Remember that laughter is a great way to burn calories?)

Tip #5: Don't eat what your kids leave behind. consent it, congruent with your kids leave the table, you gather up the food they leave behind. You just can't bear to throw it away in that you know that it's enough to feed a small, famished African country. So you eat a "second supper" out of guilt. How can you be so heartless?! Send the leftover food to that small, famished African country.

Tip #6: Peanut dairy products and jelly sandwiches are not all that bad for you, if you eat them in moderation. But stay away from those dreaded peanut besmear and jellyfish sandwiches.

Tip #7: Blot your pizza to remove 17% of the saturate fats. If you blot it really well, you can remove 100%. Of course, an empty plate might require a spicier sauce...

Tip #8: No snacking in front of the TV. Get up. Right now. No snacking in front of my TV. I don't want crumbs on my living room carpet.

Tip #9: Schedule your exercise. It's true, if you don't schedule it, your exercise will get pushed to one side by things you do schedule. I suggest scheduling it during office meetings, dental appurtenances and reality TV shows. You wouldn't want to miss aught important, would you?

Tip #10: This is a good one. Why, insofar as #10 on any top-ten list is every moment a good one. Ten is a great number. So tip #10 is to hallow every ten pounds lost by preparing a triple khaki double-dip picture supreme ice cream parfait deluxe. Go previous and drool. You deserve it. And if you think preparing it is fun, just wait until you lose collateral 50 pounds ... and have permission to in actuality eat it.

I hope these tips help you. On a serious note, most people will lose a significant quantum of weight if they follow these ten tips additionally with watching their calories harmonic to any popular healthy dieting plan. Well...almost. You might not want to follow tip #6. You will probably lose fewer pounds eating jelly than you would eating jellyfish.